Cultivating a Human

Last Sunday, the theme of church seemed to be trials - why we have them, having the right attitude about them so we can learn from them, that kinda stuff. While pondering the lessons being taught, it occurred to me that pregnancy, as cool and fun and miraculous and beautiful as it is, is also a trial a lot of the time. And it also occurred to me that I have not once thought about what I have learned from said trial. Or what I should be learning. As my due date has come and gone (hello, trial of patience), I decided to sit down today and really think about what I've gained from all of this. Besides the obvious baby, of course. Which I'm kinda beginning to think isn't actually real. It's getting to feel like the baby part is just a big joke and I'm going to be pregnant for the rest of my life. Anyway... Stuff I've learned, thoughts I've had, things I've liked, etc...

• In the beginning, I felt something totally unexpected. Vulnerability. I felt so strange when my belly started getting noticeably bigger. Usually, huge life changes or decisions are things that I can keep to myself and not announce to the world. I walked around feeling super protective of my baby and thinking, "Um, this is my personal business. What if I don't want the whole world to know I'm pregnant?" But this particular bit of super personal information is displayed for all to see, and there is absolutely nothing to be done about it. Fortunately that feeling only lasted a week or so.
• It's cool to run into other pregnant ladies on the street on super hot Arizona summer days and just nod knowingly to one another.
• For some reason, I've been fortunate enough to not have any super uncomfortable experiences with strangers touching my belly or making really awkward comments. The only time a stranger grabbed my belly was at a wedding, and I felt it was excusable since people are all happy and excited about family and stuff at weddings. I don't know. It just didn't bother me in that setting.
• Because I have an awesome mom, I grew up experiencing the very best of coddling while I was sick. Always had something to drink or snack on at my bedside, foot rubs, someone to hang out with me so I wouldn't be too bored, someone to stroke my hair and feel bad for me so that I felt like the most important person in the world... all that good stuff. When I got sick a few weeks ago, I was the most miserable I have been in years as far as my physical well being. And as sweet as my husband is, he just doesn't have motherly instincts. Nor can I expect him to. And since he was at work all day, I was left to fend for myself most of the time. I was not a happy camper, but I learned from this experience that I'm a lot more tough than I thought I was. I was perfectly capable of preparing meals for myself and fluffing my own pillows and making sure I stayed hydrated without anyone else bringing water to me. I am capable. (Although I would still prefer to have my mom around to spoil me. Duh.)
• I never knew what tailbone pain felt like until now. Mine doesn't really stick out, so I've never had an awkward fall where it felt bruised or anything. But holy smokes it is sore allll the time now. I am truly empathetic, all you people with sticky outy tail bones.
• I like that I've had the opportunity to work and go to school full time and grow a baby all at the same time. There are a bajillion women out there who are on their own and do all of that and more to make ends meet for themselves and their families. I admire them a whole lot, and am also super super grateful to have a supportive husband, family and friends to help and support me.
• It's taken me this long to finally come to terms with the fact that there is indeed a little person inside me. Now I can't imagine that this little person will soon be on the outside of me. And there's no adjustment period for that transition. Kinda crazy.
• Throughout my pregnancy, I've been praying to be spiritually in tune with my Heavenly Father so that when this sweet little child of His joins us I will be able to know his needs and take care of him to the best of my ability. However, as much as I've prayed for that, I haven't been super on top of really preparing myself. I have realized that and for the past couple of weeks have made an extra effort to be more studious, more prayerful, more thoughtful and meditative. I'm grateful to have had that extra bit of time to prepare myself to be a better mom. 
• A big perk of the pregnancy experience is being able to see the humor in all of it. Boyd and I are laughing all of the time. The way I walk, my clumsiness and forgetfulness, the random crying over things like dog food commercials, the times that I don't notice that my belly is hanging out the bottom of my shirt... 
• I thought for awhile that having this baby while in school was inconvenient timing. But if I were not pregnant during this time, I wouldn't have the extra support system that my cohort has been for me. For four days every week, I have been surrounded by some of the nicest people I've ever met. They have been amazing, always looking out for me and thinking of the little things to help me be comfortable or make things easier for me. It might not have seemed like the best timing at first, but now I can't imagine doing it without them.
• Despite the discomforts, these past months have been some of the happiest of my life. I have been constantly surrounded by positive energy because there's just something about baby bellies that make people super friendly and cheerful. Everyone is excited for me and wants to know when I'm due, what I'm having, how I'm feeling... It's an easy way for complete strangers to make a connection and I have truly loved experiencing that.