What a ride. This pregnancy has absolutely FLOWN by. Even these last couple of weeks, which I thought surely would feel slower, especially now that I'm 4 days overdue. But nope, the days continue to just chug along as speedy as can be.
I don't mind being overdue this time. Last time, I didn't expect it. Had my heart and mind set on an early-ish baby (not too early, of course, I just really didn't believe I would make it to 40 weeks because it seemed like no one else was going that long!), and even more importantly I was set on having a water birth at the birth center, rather than giving birth at the hospital. But of course, I went over 41 weeks, which rendered me ineligible for a birth center birth. I still had the labor and birth that I wanted at the hospital, minus the water birth part. So this time, I'm much more okay with the idea of going past the deadline again, since I know I can still have a good experience at the hospital. Though I still have high high hopes of being able to experience my ideal labor and delivery at the birth center!
One week ago tonight, I was experiencing consistent contractions - maybe 4 or 5 an hour, give or take - which lasted almost 24 hours. I woke up in the wee hours of Sunday morning to the sound of Boyd puking up a storm in our bathroom. In that moment I just thought "Oh no, not now! This baby can't come now!". So I think my body just pressed the pause button. Which was for the best, because Bubba had a cough and crusty goopy eyes and nose. That would have made me so sad to have to keep him away from the new guy until he got better. And THEN he passed it along to me: sore throat, cough, sinus congestion, aches and chills... the whole darn works. It's been a miserable week, and I kept thinking "Not now, Baby. Not now." I did not want to go into labor feeling like poo. I was concerned it would affect my stamina and my drive to make it through another natural labor, which is really important to me.
I haven't felt a single contraction all week as I've been plodding along through this nasty sickness. I am SO lucky to have my mom here. I've been getting naps in every day and been able to relax a lot while she plays with Bubba, takes him outside to the park or to ride his bike or play catch, makes us lunch and dinner, goes grocery shopping for me and cleans my house... She is the best! And I'm sure it's due to that extra rest that this morning I finally woke up for the first time this week without my throat being on fire. I HATE having a sore throat. So just eliminating that one factor makes me feel like maybe labor would be bearable now.
I went in to see a midwife this morning. I was dilated 3 cm. She swept my membranes to try to get things moving along for me, and encouraged me to try a couple of different herbal techniques and such. I have been having contractions since then, but nothing very intense. Still, it's encouraging to feel that things are happening. While she was sweeping the membranes, she could feel that the baby's hand was up on top of his head, and she actually kind of pinched his fingers to try to get him to move it. That made my heart skip a beat that she could feel his little hand! It made it feel so close and so soon, and was just one more positive boost for my confidence that I can do this.
In the months leading up to this point, I have made myself the craziest, longest to-do lists to organize and reorganize and clean and decorate my house. I have completed sewing projects galore, which is weird because I don't even really sew. I have become somewhat of a clean-freak which has never ever been in my nature. I've kept so incredibly busy. And when I made those lists, there was some safety in the fact that I had SO much to do before this baby would come. It made it seem far, far away. In the past few weeks I have actually completed most of my lists, which I didn't think would ever happen. And goodness gracious that made me nervous. I starting grappling for ideas for extra projects, crafts, errands to run... anything to keep my mind off of the fact that another baby will be coming into my life soon. Suddenly I was really super nervous. It confused me, because my first transition into motherhood felt incredibly natural. Why did this feel different? Where did all that confidence go? Eventually I talked myself into really confronting my feelings and earnestly praying about them. I came to the conclusion that I was just at the top of the roller coaster. That's the worst part - the anticipation. I knew that things looked much scarier right now than they really were, and that once I started downhill I would love every second of it. On top of that, I've been so frustrated with being so sick this week. But I realized this morning that it has actually really helped me become so mentally ready to move forward and welcome this baby into the world. I'm so sick of being sick that giving birth and having two kids and all the other crazy that's going to come with it... I'd much rather move on to all of that fun stuff than remain in my current state. It's a strange answer to my prayers to feel more ready, but definitely an effective one.
Another reason I haven't minded this extra time being pregnant, is that I'm really treasuring my time with Bubba. Bedtime snuggles and songs are so sweet and I don't want them to end. He and I went to the pool four times last week, and had so much fun together as he becomes more confident in the water. That boy makes my heart whole, and I am bursting to think how much love will grow in our family as another little guy joins us. (*Hint hint*, little guy! Please come join us!)
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